Whole30 Woes (Or, Twirly Tries the Whole30)

I have been an exceptionally cranky creature of late. “Why?” you ask. Because I am roughly halfway through my Whole30.

For those of you who are wondering, the Whole30 is a diet that lasts (you guessed it) thirty days–though, for some, it becomes an obsession or, more politely, a lifestyle. On the plus side, it definitely delivers: after two weeks, my husband and I can both see visible results. On the downside…

Twenty One Things I’m Missing On The Whole30

  1. No Gluten (or Grains of Any Kind)
    1. Rice
    2. Bread
    3. Tortilla Chips
    4. Scones
    5. Pasta. Macaroni and cheese, linguini with Alfredo, penne with meatballs… Spaghetti squash just isn’t the same.
  2. No Dairy
    2.  Milk
    3. Proper cream in my coffee
    4. Pumpkin Spice Lattes are in season and I can’t have them! (White girl sigh)
    5. Zuppa Toscana (or any other potato soup like it)
    6. Iced Caramel Latte from Dunkin’ Donuts
  3. No Soy/MSG
    1. Daddy Chicken (Come to my house when this is over. I’ll make it for you. It’s glorious.)
    2. Bulgogi
    3. Chinese food
  4. No Legumes
    1. Peanut butter, I never knew how much I loved you until you were torn from me.
  5. No Sugar or Sweetener of Any Kind
    1. Honey in my tea (this has been a real problem for me)
    2. Brownies
    3. Really, chocolate of any kind
    4. Red Velvet Cake (there’s a Korean bakery up the street that makes one of these; it’s amazing)
    5. Donuts–specifically apple cider donuts
    6. Fall-themed baked goods

The goal of the Whole30 is for you to appreciate the real taste of food. Yay! It’s a great thing, really–but that doesn’t make it fun.

I know I’ll probably be happy when I look back at this. “You can do anything for thirty days,” and all that. And I’ll be relieved when I’m a few pounds thinner at the wedding and Halloween party we’re attending next month.

But, when you’re fifteen days in, thirty days doesn’t seem so short after all.

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